Bride Elect (Evolution of a Bridezilla)
Chapter Thirty-Five—Copious Amounts of Alcohol, and The Fetal Position
June is a busy month normally for anyone employed in the education field. For me, the month starts mid-marathon with provincial exams, followed by a week of intensive hardcore marking. Then mid month our focus shifted from marking to grad. The week following grad was spent cleaning up, packing up, and planning for next year.
Like a madwoman, I also thought it would be interesting if I took on a writing challenge—JuNoWriMo–you know, in addition to my day job, publishing my first book, and planning a wedding. I thought maybe it would time to practise that whole thriving under pressure thing I had heard so much about.
Most days I managed. Sure, some things got neglected. My flower garden was a shameful array of thistles. My Grandma would be rolling over in her grave, or at least demanding to talk to someone in the ever-after about how she might go about haunting me. My dust experiment was amassing amazing data. My laundry was on a “need to clean” basis, but fortunately I never had to turn my underwear inside out.
I really didn’t notice any great or positive affects to my stress levels. It is not like my creative juices went into over drive. In fact, if anything, I backslid a little and starting mixing metaphors like a donkey drinks milk. However, aside from one or two days of chest pains, I really didn’t feel adversely affected by excessive stress. It was a June like any June. By the summer solstice all I wanted was copious amounts of alcohol and a chance to rediscover the fetal position.
My maid of honour came to the rescue. She reminded me of our pre-wedding, time honoured ritual of girly drinks on the patio. Her timing was impeccable. She was going to swoop in on the first day of summer, get me drunk and then take me to our monthly stitch and bitch. It would be the day after grad, and before the most stressful week of the school year—the last week.
The last week of school can be challenging for teachers who like to teach. The students are done, and have been sent off in tears and/or triumph. Not unlike married couples first confronting “empty nest syndrome”, teachers are left tripping over each trying to find ways to keep themselves occupied. We are subject to staff meetings, department meetings, and planning time.
As for me, I usually am capable of precious little during “planning time”. I need time and space before I can really dig into planning for the next school year. However, I have managed to devise ways to look busy enough so as not arouse suspicion. Some have seen me typing furiously on my laptop. When asked, I claim to “prefer” my own laptop, and save my work on flash drives to print up later. Most could care less because, they too, are feverishly looking for ways to look busy in their own right. Most, but not everyone.
Stress does weird things to people. Some people really seek self-soothing by finding things to get all indignant over. Some behave a little like deposed tyrants looking for new villagers to tyrannize. These people really dislike people who zenly sit at their laptops and behave busy in their own innocuous way. As for the people who sit zenly at their laptops, and behave busy in their own innocuous way, they cope with the tyranny by dreaming of copious amounts of alcohol and the fetal position.
Best. Maid. Of. Honour. Ever.